Truth is lived...

2011-06-24T05:46:00.000-07:00

I'm having one of those days. To be fair they don't happen so often (anymore), I seem to have brought the beast within somehow under control. Or should I say somewhat? Semantics. I put it down to growing up. Maturing perhaps? Semantics again. Either way I have begun to learn, I say begun because I think this is one of those life long learning topics, so I have begun to learn how to manage my insecurities.

Conscious of not wanting to sound self-loathing, self-indulgent or worst of all like a self help addict clutching to the many and varied straws of pseudo psychology in the vain attempt to explain away some kind of perceived neurosis, I won't bore you with the hows and whys. The short version is as follows; life has taught me to mistrust. Cynical? Perhaps, but as a wise man once said, feelings are facts. It has also taught me the depths of my own strength. For better or worse I know the extent to which I can survive alone. That's not to say I don't like, want or need others. On the contrary. Experience has however, made me a bit of a loner. Capable of standing on my own two feet, but whether I want to or not is an entirely different question.

Connected.

2011-02-23T15:27:00.000-08:00

I fought against the idea of an iPhone for the longest time. A gadget I scoffed. Yet look at me now, as addicted as the nerdiest of iGeeks, as devoted as any that worships at the altar of Apple. Why the 180? Why such a conversion?

Plain and simple it is about connectivity. I live in my own little globalised world where some of my closest friends are in reality several timezones away. My little gadget allows me to stay connected, to share in real time.

To plan, plot, debrief and share. All from the palm of my hand. Genius.

2011-02-22T12:44:00.001-08:00

I know from experience that it is never a good idea to sit at a keyboard without a clear picture of what you actually want to say, that said, perhaps just this once the act of writing will tell me what I want to say. A bit of a chicken and egg situation going on here so please be patient!

The precursor to this post was a mind map. Once I realised that nothing says you work too much like preparing a mind map of your personal life, I thought I'd give that one time hobby of mine, blogging, a go.

For the past several weeks I have had bits and pieces of ideas scribbled in notebooks, on the corners of presentations and on post its. All waiting to be transformed into something legible. Something that someone, other than I, would care enough to read.

As I result I have an eclectic collection of thoughts, opinions and emotions barely expressed in words ranging from current affairs to affairs of the heart and everything in between. Like the fact that the Arab world is transforming before our very eyes or the truly depression inducing state of affairs in my country, that erstwhile brightest star of the EU. Reflections on a fairly tumultuous festive season at home and the ongoing discussions as to whether or not we are making an actual difference in the world. Memories of a trip to the truly incredible India and a reunion with dear friend. Attempts to explain how I feel as I stand on the precipice of something potentially great and begin to realise the extent to which I was damaged the last time I took that leap of faith, realise just how deeply rooted my reluctance to experience that again is all coupled with the knowledge that if I don't jump I'll forever stay "safe" in the nest.

Enough for now to articulate the list? Perhaps tomorrow I'll start to write the posts in earnest.

I'm a thinker ...

2010-11-28T15:53:00.000-08:00

... very often this is to my own detriment.

2010-11-26T07:44:00.000-08:00

I've always found New Year's resolutions to be hollow. The birthday review of all that has been achieved, experienced or been cause for regret in the past 12 months seems forced. I am however growing to love the first snow of the year; now there's a clean slate, a new beginning.

Amid the hushed silence that falls with the first crisp white blanket of winter comes a genuine peace. A natural moment to pause and remember all that has happened since you last opened the curtains to reveal all the magic that winter has to offer.

2010-11-23T16:17:00.000-08:00

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists ... it is real ... it is possible ... it's yours!"

Ayn Rand

In search of balance and reason ...

2010-11-02T13:39:00.001-07:00

Finally, I see light at the end of the tunnel and for once I don't think it is a train! Ideas are coming, half developed but coming none the less.

I can't remember a time when writing hasn't been a part of who I am; from the childish and melancholy poetry to the lists that I have grown to love; from the "Dear diary" moments of adolescence to daily accounts of headaches & pain killers; from the uni newspaper arts reviews and political editorials to the letters exchanged with my darling, fake brother, the notebooks full of random musings and never quite finished short stories... putting pen to paper has always been part of my way of feeling. Like a sixth sense. Touch. Smell. Taste. See. Hear. Write.

It helps me put things in perspective and rationalise or flush out the hidden dimensions and let my imagination run free. The pen is and always has been, my friend.

Some of my darkest days have been the wordless ones, when either I had nothing to say or lacked the eloquence to say what was troubling me. Often the lack of words is born from the fear that if the words come tumbling out, well then I'll have to address them.

... never the less the words have started to flow ... balance and reason will surely follow.

2010-11-02T11:28:00.000-07:00

While in the midst of a poetry-off with the lovely Ms Vieira ... I struck gold and clinched the title and for once I didn't have to resort to Seamus, although we do still love him. Instead I dug deep and shared a piece that I have returned to again and again since I first read it at IPM '06. It draws me in, every time, without fail. I challenge you to read it aloud and not be moved.

It doesn’t interest me

what you do for a living.

I want to know

what you ache for

and if you dare to dream

of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me

how old you are.

I want to know

if you will risk

looking like a fool

for love

for your dream

for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me

what planets are

squaring your moon...

I want to know

if you have touched

the centre of your own sorrow

if you have been opened

by life’s betrayals

or have become shrivelled and closed

from fear of further pain.

I want to know

if you can sit with pain

mine or your own

without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it.

I want to know

if you can be with joy

mine or your own

if you can dance with wildness

and let the ecstasy fill you

to the tips of your fingers and toes

without cautioning us

to be careful

to be realistic

to remember the limitations

of being human.

It doesn’t interest me

if the story you are telling me

is true.

I want to know if you can

disappoint another

to be true to yourself.

If you can bear

the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless

and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty

even when it is not pretty

every day.

And if you can source your own life

from its presence.

I want to know

if you can live with failure

yours and mine

and still stand at the edge of the lake

and shout to the silver of the full moon,

“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me

to know where you live

or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up

after the night of grief and despair

weary and bruised to the bone

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me

who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

in the centre of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me

where or what or with whom

you have studied.

I want to know

what sustains you

from the inside

when all else falls away.

I want to know

if you can be alone

with yourself

and if you truly like

the company you keep

in the empty moments.

By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming,
from the book The Invitation

Just a collection of random thoughts

2010-08-11T09:21:00.000-07:00

London. Oh what a town! One that is fast filling up with spectacular people. The kind I know and love. The kind with whom I will always laugh 'til it hurts. Guaranteed. Officially the most fun in 3 days - EVER! How could it not be ... happy hour with our own floor show, £7 bottles of wine?!, black cab ride home, catch up chats in the changing rooms at H&M, Debenhams, etc ... Coffee & smarties, Ninja Warrior and tea, amazebells tapas followed by dancing and mojitos ... altogether a spiffing weekend until I was being hurtled in a taxi toward Heathrow airport at 6am

I had an odd experience last week ... I worked in an English speaking environment. Native English that is. Yes, that would be for the first time, AIESEC aside.

Chattage last night with a dear friend. It scares me sometimes the impact that little student's organisation has had in my life. The people I have around me because of it and the similarity of our experiences as we continue to try to recreate the passion we had for our jobs, that in truth were not jobs in the first place. Is it even fair to compare?!

Migraine. Ugg. Migraine. It has been a while since you had me cornered like this one. But I am on the mend and you will not hold me down for much longer.

2010-07-17T18:12:00.000-07:00

For quite some time now my writing ability, limited and all as it is, has been channelled into the preparation of excitingly entitled documents such as project definitions, business requirements, or my personal favourite sponsor updates. As you can imagine, nothing too creative. The artist in me is unleashed on powerpoint slides, but since I am constrained by company corporate identity rules ... my creative genius, such as it is, has basically curled up into a ball and gone to die in some corner of the corporate world. Do I sound bitter?! Perhaps.

In fact I am not at all but I am beginning to question my current path. I do not dislike my job. But is that enough?! Doubtful. Is it enough motivation to continue working the crazy hours that I do? Certainly not. I have come to the conclusion that I need to believe in what I do. Or at least need to believe in the connection between what I am doing now and where I want to go. The problem is that I am no longer so sure where it is I would like to be in 5 or 10 years time. Hell! I don’t know where I want to me in 12 months time.

Once upon a time I thought it was Home. Yes that place that will always start with a capital “hetch”. Unfortunately the longer I spend away from there the harder it is to see myself ever living there again. As I approach my 3rd anniversary in die Schweiz I come to the terrible realisation that here feels almost more like home than Home. The life I have here is entirely of my own making. I pulled together my Swiss family from many corners of the world. The “who” I am here, is probably much closer to who I actually am then ever before in my life. I am surrounded by people that both consciously and completely unknowingly push me to make the most of my potential and life in general. Dare I say it, I fit in here. Largely speaking of course because of the fact that here, my community is of my own making.

I’m not made for small town living. Much and all as I love going there, trips Home always remind me of that wonderful Eleanor Roosevelt quote “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people”. Sad but true. Although I think it is less to do with small minds and more to do with closed ones. Relatively nothing to do with intelligence and quite a lot to do with exposure.

If my plan to be Taoiseach has been thrown out the window ... then what next?! Well if I am having difficulty deciding, it seems that these days I cannot hide from people with an opinion on what I should do with my life.

Starting with my dad who seems to believe that an MBA would be a terrible waste of money and I should just do a masters online instead. Thanks Charlie, but I think I’ll file that with the suggestion that I should be an accountant. That would be in the “no” drawer.

Or how about my colleague that still cannot get over the fact that I left consulting for HR and who quite firmly believes that I should own my own company. Why? Because I remind him of a friend that has her own business. Quite scientific as you can see.

And now it would see that randomers that I meet in bars have an opinion on my career. Friday evening, I was told after a brief 10 minute conversation - “nothing personal, and maybe you really love it there, but you do not seem as though you should work for HR. I see you in sales or strategy or anywhere that a company could make use of the fact that a) you seem clever, b) have a ton of energy and c) could sell ice to eskimos”. I seem to have left quite the first impression huh?!

If it is so easy to have an opinion on this, why don't I have one?

Switzerland has given me the chance to really grow up. To leave the baggage of multiple relationships / friendships behind. Time and distance have taught me to distinguish between moments when I need to take the high road and those when I should stand and fight my battles. I have learned about the necessity of great friends and the irrelevance of people that only try to bring you down.

Ancora imparo.

1,729

2010-05-09T14:46:00.001-07:00

One thousand seven hundred and twenty-nine. That is how far I am from Home in kilometers.

2010-04-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

There is always a moment. Sometimes it is a split second, others weeks worth of agonising but the time always arrives when we need to make a choice. Don't ever let anyone tell you that "it just happened" or that "they couldn't help it" ... because nothing just happens.

2010-03-28T06:26:00.000-07:00

I sincerely dislike throw away comments. Especially the ones designed to make you doubt what you believe, what you know. The kind that are really nothing more than thread bare self preservation but still they get into your head and make you wonder...

2010-03-20T15:12:00.000-07:00

From time to time we let people down; we don't live up to expectations, we break promises ... Yesterday I fucked up. Big time.

I don't think I have ever known this feeling of shame before, of having failed someone on this level. Maybe I have but just didn't care enough?! Who knows?

This time I felt it. I felt it when realisation dawned - the image of that stupid piece of paper waiting on my desk to be faxed. Something so simple and yet I forgot it. Fail.

I felt it when I shared the situation with one of my dearest friends only for her to tell me that she really didn't want to talk to me right then.

And I feel it now, 24 hours later with still no response to my worthless apology. I failed her. Let her down.

I know I can't undo what I have done, but I can try to fix the consequences. And try I most certainly will. If I can't, I hope she can forgive me. Will understand if she forever holds it against me.

2010-02-14T15:24:00.000-08:00

I miss you. It gets easier with time but I still miss you.

Starting to plan a trip and not telling you seems odd, making a semi significant purchase without at least discussing pros and cons with you is just plain weird and getting a new (and improved) job and not calling you ... Well that just doesn't seem right at all!

And yet I guess this is how it will be. Sad but true.

Siiiigh

2010-02-10T14:44:00.001-08:00

Ok, I know this will sound a tad hypocritical considering the fact that I am not beyond a bit of "enabling" myself ... however today I witnessed manipulation on such an obvious scale that it really makes me wonder!

Colleague A likes / needs to keep Colleague B close and on friendly terms so that A can channel all of their feedback and criticism through B without appearing to be the negative SoB in the corner. In order to foster good relations A is so sickly sweet, so approving of B's every last action that actually it is kind of sad. And yet B loves it. Laps it up even.

B is one clever operator except when their ego is being stroked.

Anywho my insight of the day. I bet Dilbert would make it funnier! ;)

Climbing the corporate ladder ...

2010-02-09T15:08:00.001-08:00

I am moving one rung up and yet why does it feel like I am taking ten steps back?!

Despite the AIESEC jokes that I am "stepping down" to VP, I should be really happy, excited and proud of myself that after just one year in the company I am already moving onwards and upwards. The reaction of some of my colleagues has, however, somewhat tarnished my excitement.

True, HR does not have the best reputation. True, it is often perceived to be constraining rather than enabling business. What is incredibly true is the fact that very often it is too complicated and far too caught up in processes that don't even work.

I have been offered (and I am accepting) the opportunity to work with a group of very talented individuals. A group that does not conform to any HR stereotype. A group of people that are so results oriented and focused on the quantifiable that there will be nary a bit of fluff in sight at our team meetings.

The past year has been a learning rollercoaster, both professionally and personally. I honestly believe that while on the surface this appears to be narrowing my field of vision and experience, in the long run it will serve to broaden my horizons by enriching my perspective.

I understand that some people may not see or appreciate that now, but do they really think that making me doubt my decision or derisory comments about my future field are helpful? I was told today that a move to HR was a waste of talent. Thank you very much for your belief in my ability, but could it not be put to a more constructive use?!

2010-01-14T14:40:00.000-08:00

If someone asked me what role you play in my life, I doubt I could provide them with a comprehensive answer. At least not one without a dozen footnotes!

Of all the relationships in my life complicated by geography, history or perhaps another high school subject, ours is the most complex of all. It really defies definition. Surely the open nature of our conversations exceeds the boundaries of most, if not any, "normal" friendships?

Did we make it this complicated or is it a by-product of circumstances beyond our control?

The irony of course is that in the moment it is the least complicated, open hassle free of relationships. We laugh, mainly at ourselves ... well at each other! We talk about things ranging from the mundane to the marvelous and life changing.

Music, movies, burning desires, current affairs or political ambitions. Life experiences and lessons learned to travel plans and superheroes.

A love and trust so profound that it survives months of radio silence but once the signal is raised we pick up where we left off ... same bat time, same bat channel.

Surprises.

2009-12-02T14:27:00.000-08:00

Some landmark events are set apart as the stuff life is made of ... graduating highschool, that first one true love, the first big trip you take, graduating university, first proper job, first apartment etc ... they are set out before you as the milestones of your life. They get so much air time, we build up such high expectations of them that by the time we have achieved them, closed the chapter so speak we can be left with a decidedly anti-climatic feeling. A voice in the back of our mind saying ... "really was that it?!" and then we move on to the next must do objective.

The real page turners though, the chapters that will be worth reading over and over in our twilight days are the ones we didn't see coming...

Maybe it is that one weekend trip that was conceived over Thursday night cocktails, that almost didn't even get started because you barely made it out of the office on Friday evening to make your train/plane/automobile. The one where you laughed yourself silly and changed a friendship from little more than acquaintance to life long buddy as you held each other's hair while you took turns to talk to God on the big white telephone. Well what do you expect after that much tequila?

Or maybe it is the job that you never expected to like, and in reality didn't, but you sure as hell love the woman it made you. Adversity will do that for you.

Your favourite story could be the one where you became a grown up. The time you stepped up your game from baby of the family to the one with their shit in order all in one very large step.

Or it could be the memory of a friendship so improbable that it surprised even you. Almost symbiotic. An understanding that came so effortlessly.

These are the milestones we never expected. Maybe that is why they are so great?! We only realise their significance afterwards and so never have the chance to build up expectations ...

They are the stories that truly make up the fabric of our lives. They are the memories worth recording. These are the moments that cannot be summed up with a perky Hallmark verse to celebrate and with good reason ... they are your moments. Unique. They are what make you the person you are.

So I live in a neutral country huh?!

2009-11-02T12:46:00.000-08:00

When I first moved to Switzerland I must admit I was kind of excited to see how this fabled direct democracy worked ... something in those local government classes had apparently sunk in and I was truly intrigued to see how it worked. Added to that the urban legend about the Swiss being incredibly diplomatic and this was going to be a political scientist's dream, right?! right?! Wrong!

First of all, direct democracy allows this to happen ... from the makers of the black sheep campaign ... I give you, a little masterpiece I like to call ... Overt preying on the fears of Islam, with barely hidden undertones of racism ...

Yes ladies and gentlemen, while the UK has been up in arms about BNP leader Nick Griffin appearing on a BBC current affairs show, the Swiss have been quietly erecting posters. In case the subtle graphic isn't enough, allow me to explain ... there will soon be a referendum in Switzerland about whether or not to ban the building of minarets on mosques. Church steeples are to be seen poking their heads above every village, several per village sometimes but clearly the occasional minaret would destroy the very fabric of Swiss society and culture.

There is one of these bad boys behind my bus stop. A daily reminder of the quiet, apolitical people I live amongst.

While public politics are colourful enough, nowhere is the political nature of the Swiss so apparent than in the workplace. I have had the dubious pleasure to work for two of the country's biggest, best known firms. Companies that used to win all of those "best place to work" awards before the financial crisis sent executives slashing budgets left, right and centre until there is nary an Apero to be seen!

Time and again I have scratched my head in disbelief as decisions are made not based on fact, experience or logic but on who is proposing the solution. I have seen brilliant minds out maneuvered because they were too focused on the real target, that being to do the job they were paid to do, to notice the giant knife being wielded behind their backs. I have seen people sidelined that should be the star strikers, while people hardly capable enough to sit on the bench are lauded like Champions League winners (where did the soccer analogy come from?! So unlike me!!)

Oh the Swiss are quite the political beasts, they just hide it well behind the stereotypes. And I am not talking about the chocolate, cheese or mountains.

Reality dawning ...

2009-11-01T11:48:00.000-08:00

I apologise in advance for the fact that part of this post may sound as though I am blowing my own trumpet ... at least a little ... really not the intention.

All my life I have apparently been suffering under the illusion that the only thing limiting what I can achieve with my life is myself and my own imagination. I have certainly never believed that being a woman should or could hold me back.

I grew up in a time when Ireland elected the first woman to the position of President. Not only was she the first from outside the closed political circle to be elected but she went on to transform the role, modernise it in a way that no man before her ever had. Upon leaving the office of president she went on to one of the most significant roles any Irish person has ever played on the world stage ... UN High Commissioner for Human Rights.

I grew up with boys ... first my brother, his friends and the other kids on our street who were overwhelmingly boys ... I was never given special treatment for being a girl. In fact despite the fact that I was a girl I was often the leader of the gang ... I had an imagination and much like vision is an essential part of being a "grown up leader", the ability to dream up new games is vital as a child.

At school I took many subjects traditionally seen as "boy's subjects" and often effortlessly topped those classes. I was as capable as any boy in my year and so academically I never considered my self or my options inferior. Likewise at university. I am outspoken and generally have an opinion on things and frequently found myself in debate on the finer points of life ... namely all things political. Did I always win against the guys? No, but neither did I always lose. Most importantly the last word in a conversation was not earned by virtue of gender. I have taken decisions or followed opportunities that I know male friends would never have had the confidence to do ... I know this because they have told me as much.

In AIESEC terms, I ran for MCP against a guy and won ... again, I never believed it was a competition of the sexes. I believed that I was running against a competent, capable candidate that just happened to be of the opposite gender. As my term was coming to an end we elected a female PAI.

Nothing in my life experience pointed to the idea that as a woman I was disadvantaged.

Until now.

Now I find myself in an organisation dominated by men - there is not a single woman within the extended executive team of the organisation for which I work. There does not even seem to be a real acknowledgement of the fact that this is a problem. Women that get ahead are broadly seen to fall into two categories. Either they have adopted a very masculine leadership style or they have slept their way there. Sad but unfortunately true.

What is more I find myself in a culture where I seem to be obliged to explain why it is that I want a career. To explain why I would prioritise that. Of all things Swiss that are alien to me, this is probably the most bitter to swallow.

Several recent conversations with colleagues have opened my eyes to how different my expectations are of the world.

One without any malice or negative intent, during a conversation about plans for the future, asked "Are you really so driven?". I was slightly taken aback ... I had only shared my intentions to go to business school before I am 30, not the fact that I want to take over the world before I am 40. I joke. The point however is far from a joke. He went on to question whether or not I had factored in a family etc. At which point I must admit I switched off the "serious conversation" button.

Another conversation took me a little bit more by surprise. First of all because the colleague was a woman and secondly because she was a friend. Her response to a similar topic was to explain to me, slightly patronisingly I must admit, that as a woman I didn't want to expose myself so much. Why seek out positions or roles that would bring added attention? Did I not understand that as a woman I was first judged on appearance and not on the added value I brought to the table?! This conversation infuriated me. Not only was she telling me that as a woman I should not try to break through the fabled glass ceiling but as my friend she was truly advising against it.

For the first time in my life I am saying to myself ... this would never have happened if I was a guy. For the first time ever in my life I am having to concede that my gender has influenced how people have perceived a situation.

I know so many young, capable, professional women. I hope and pray that our abilities and performance will be judged independently of our gender. I want to believe that we will be allowed to compete on an even playing field with our male colleagues, be given similar opportunities to grow and develop into the leadership of the organisations we work for and that we will be remunerated based on performance.

I fear however that recent experiences have eroded (but not destroyed) these beliefs.

Grief.

2009-10-07T16:48:00.000-07:00

It comes in all shapes and sizes, affects us all in very different ways ... back in January I was consumed, consumed by an actual physical pain. One that I bore alone because there was nobody here to share it with and nobody there who had the time to think about my pain. Not really. Almost 8 months later and the intensity is gone. It has eased to a dull ache. Oh it roars to life from time to time. Watching the man she loved so dearly bare his pain with a dignity I don't think I would ever be capable of. Visiting her grave. You know? Moments like those. The ones that make you accept, finally.

That very acceptance makes me want to live so much harder than I have ever lived before. It makes me want to love so much stronger. Such a pity then that the people I so dearly want to love make it so hard for me. I tell myself to stop being so petty, I give myself the hardest of times for finding fault. In truth it is they that find fault ... with everything. I am so tired of it. I tell myself it has been a hard year for them too. I tell myself to take deep breaths and that every now and then I just need to take the higher road. But this isn't anything new, this year has just highlighted it.

When I love I do it whole heartedly.

I am loyal. Sure, I speak my version of the truth, that is to say I will give you my opinion but I stand by your decisions. If I love you there is almost nothing I won't forgive you for, we may not be the same afterwards but I cannot hold a grudge against those I love. If I forgive then I wipe the slate clean because holding it against you harms me more than you (... so my brand of forgiveness is more selfish than divine... I am flawed/human - go ahead, throw the first stone!). I am there when you need a shoulder to cry on, I am there when you get back on the horse and if I love you, I will always have your back. Always. I will do what I can to help you, but for the love of God I cannot work miracles and sometimes, sometimes I need your help too. Sometimes I even need you to recognise that I need it without me having to tell you.

My whole world fell apart this year and I am sticking it back together... piece by piece. It is exhausting. It may look as though the picture is whole, but it isn't and it never will be again but I am trying.

It is hard enough to grieve for what is truly gone. For who is truly gone. Don't make me grieve for the living as well.

You can chose your friends but not your family ...

2009-09-29T14:33:00.000-07:00

... but do we consciously decide who becomes important to us? Do we really get a say in whose approval we seek?

Or do we one day just wake up to the realisation that we have allowed someone's opinion become the one that matters?

I guess what I am asking is do we decide who we fall in love with?!

2009-09-14T13:59:00.000-07:00

Throughout my time in AIESEC I think I took every behavioural / personality profile test known to man. Starting with MyersBriggs (ENTJ) through to the Enneagram (Type 8) and the DISC profile (natural drive/influence, adapted drive/compliance). I had a fool proof test to see how accurate they were ... give the results to my mom to read and sure enough she always validated it ... and what is more she always seemed to find the one phrase in the whole damn explanation that I hated the most, the one thing that made me squirm.

The only questionnaire result I didn't have to put through the test was the "Signature Strengths", one that we did at IPM '06. I read those results with a smile.

When I read through my top five strengths and the explanations that went with them, they just felt right. Things I had always been aware of but now someone was putting them right there in front of me and telling me to be proud of them. And while, I may not display my gratitude quite so openly and expressly as Mr Pollay, my signature strengths do sum up a lot of what I like about myself.

I certainly have always had a love of learning ... museums, libraries, documentaries ... all the geeky places you can think of, they constituted my playground as a child! Extra assignments, book reports, newspapers - my favourites! I just couldn't and still cannot get enough knowledge ... wikipedia is my vice ... I go there to check the difference between sheet and heat lightning and leave an hour later safe in the knowledge that Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Venezuela were the founding members of OPEC or some other piece of random information!

Creativity, ingenuity and innovation do form the basis for how I approach challenges. Not that I enjoy reinventing the wheel ... none the less if there is another way to look at a problem I will probably find it. It was this, amogst many other reasons, that I enjoyed working with the Cherrytree at UBS so much ... he pushed me harder than anyone has ever pushed before to reconsider my opinion and challenge the status quo.

Humour and playfulness form the basis of all of my important relationships. I don't see the point in dwelling. I guess it is my well developed sense of irony, which comes as a standard feature with most Irish genes, that allows me to see the lighter side of most situations. It is about recognising that it could always be worse!

In general I find that people respond best when you treat them as you would like to be treated ... it would appear as though 14 years of Catholic education didn't go to waste afterall! Although it is difficult to understand how I actually learned this from nuns ... I try to be kind and generous in my dealings with other people. Be it with my time or material possessions... I really believe that you reap what you sow, above all in our interactions with those around us.

And last but not least ... zest, enthusiasm and energy. 99/100 days in your life will bring change of some sorts. Maybe it is something small like a new process to check out books at the library or maybe it is moving home, town or country for a new job. Either way, from where I am standing it is better to try first ... attack the change with an open mind and an enthusiastic! Which is easier .... to pick your way step by step into the cold sea or to throw yourself in wholeheartedly?!

Do my 5 signature strengths make me perfect?! Of course not ... I am more than aware of the fact that there are 19 others. All equally valid, all equally important. These are however my 5. Do I always remember to use these strengths to the best of my advantage? Unfortunately not because we don't always remember to put our best foot forward. However 9/10 when I reflect on a challenging situation the key to resolving it probably lay with one of the above!

When was the last time you considered your strengths? Celebrated them even?!

Do yourself a favour ... Take the test

I'm back ...

2009-09-07T09:35:00.000-07:00

I took the decision some months back to delete my blog of four years. Reduce my presence on the world wide interweb and make my thoughts a little more anonymous by creating a blog that didn't contain my entire name in the url.

The past few weeks and months have been an odd experience for me. Not since I discovered the power of the mighty pen to calm my restless mind have I ever gone more than a few days without writing. Something. Anything, just to rid my mind of at least some of the more random thoughts.

To be honest I haven't even felt the urge to write ... but last night something changed. As I lay in bed trying to sleep the memory of sitting, pen in hand drifted across my mind. So at 01.45 i was to be found sitting on my couch, mug of tea resting beside me, feet tucked up under me, notebook balancing vicariously on my knee. Pen, physically in hand but in reality connected straight to a river of words flowing from my newly liberated mind. And so I wrote. One hour and several pages later I fell exhausted but truly content back into my bed and I woke this morning with a joy that has been missing from my heart.

Not only had I broken through whatever was holding back my need / desire to write, in doing so I had discovered the cause. In fact several causes. So no more treatment of the symptoms. It is time to take Herr Hesse's advice seriously ... it is time to trust my experience of the truth and not allow others tell me otherwise.

Truth is lived...

Connected.

I'm a thinker ...

In search of balance and reason ...

Just a collection of random thoughts

1,729

**Siiiigh**

Climbing the corporate ladder ...

Surprises.

So I live in a neutral country huh?!

Reality dawning ...

Grief.

You can chose your friends but not your family ...

I'm back ...

Siiiigh